Symptoms

That YouTube film is brilliant. I loved the line " ... scaldin' them sheeps' dottles" and was impressed at how fair-minded they were at admitting women into the Society. Discussed their membership at Committee then rejected it!

Please share it with us ...

London Underground has a similar platform-based system for predicting if people are about to jump in front of the trains to commit suicide.

Now it's been confirmed that there are no scanners to read the card data and it'll all be down to some some guy eyeballing the card when it's presented. There are no plans to issue scanners either! What a waste of dosh! From The Observer this morning: "Britain's first ID cards, issued last week with fingerprint and facial details, cannot be read by any official body because the government has not issued a single scanner. Ministers promised to roll out hundreds of electronic readers of biometric details. However, a spokesman for the Home Office admitted last week that no employers, police forces, hospitals or colleges have been given the machine - and there are as yet no plans to issue them. The disclosure means the ID cards issued last week to foreign students and the foreign spouses of British citizens can be used only in a similar way to a valid passport and visa. Instead, authorities will have to rely on visual checks on the card and calls to a UK Border Agency hotline if they fear the card is not genuine. The admission bolsters concerns the ID verification scheme is now just a 'flash and go' card similar to those used by many companies. Home Office documents revealed last month that the cards' biometric details will only be cross-referenced with the National Identity Register in a minority of cases."

HP wrote "You can kill one in about a second." Perhaps the fella in this story was following the theme when he topped Foggy the Bedlington Terrier: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10...ng-morning.html

She was a really, really attractive woman but heavily into radical feminist politics.

Both of my Granddads (and various Uncles) grew leeks to show at their local clubs. I remember them producing very large crops, then selecting the show specimens and the seed plants. They used to camp-out in their allotments to stand guard over the plants nearing show time 'cos of the risk of sabotage to the show specimens and theft of the seed heads. One of my Granddads used to empty the contents of his potty (they did have indoor plumbing but he wanted to save his waste ... yuk) into a 55gal oil drum, this mixed with other stuff (God only knows what) became his leek feed. My memory was that all the old timers throughout the North East were obsessed with growing leeks and showing them. Pigeon lofts also seemed to be everywhere when I was a lad ...

I knew a girl who used to go to Greenham Common to protest ... it's an industrial estate now, Yanks all gone. Mind, there could be underground bunkers there for holding the dissidents, camouflaged by an MFI store. Maybe that's why MFI's gone tits-up ... they never sold anything 'cos they were a Government ghost organisation.

I think they still have 'The Big Meeting' as they call their Durham version of the Picnic.

Now, what data will that little card chip contain and be copied to the Government's databases? All the usual stuff like height, eye colour, Nationality, marks, on so on; stuff they already have from passport applications. The new stuff, like our dabs and other bio-metric measurements, will also be included. Next comes the spooky stuff culled from the NHS Spine, our blood group, DNA, diseases/illnesses suffered (including pox clinics visited), allergies, hereditary information, and so on. Next the financial stuff - the data from the credit reference agencies, Land Registry, The Revenue, our Banks and credit card transactions. What next? Oh, yes - they'll get the data about our subscriptions to magazines and membership of clubs and unions. Oh, and there's our travel habits picked-up via Automatic Number-plate Recognition (have you noticed how many of these fixed cameras have sprung-up in the last year). Blimey, I almost forgot about our ISP's having to keep all of our emails for years and log all our web browsing. All/much of this data is/may already kept by individual organisations but when (not if) it all gets sucked onto one database (and burned onto that card chip) it can be more easily interrogated by GCHQ. So what? The Government will sell this information onto insurance companies so they may well refuse cover for those whose Granddad died of cancer. A subscribing company won't hire you 'cos your cousin is a villain (criminality might run in the family). Union membership ... drag the trouble-maker off to the Jails (Camps). And a thousand other ways to restrict our freedom. If you don't hear from me again you'll know the Government's plans are further developed than I thought and I've been 'lifted' by the Boys in Black, injected, chucked into the back of a van, delivered to a deep underground installation on the Outer Hebrides and water-boarded for posting this. I'll leave you with something Pastor Martin Niemoller wrote years ago ... First they came for the Communists And I did not speak out Because I was not a Communist First they came for the Socialist And I did not speak out Because I was not a Socialist First they came for the trade unionists And I did not speak out Because I was not a trade unionist First they came for the Jews And I did not speak out Because I was not a Jew Then they came for me And there was no one left To speak out for me

Amstrad maybe?

Until the Boys in Blue say "Your papers please" (in a mock Jerry accent); no papers and you get whipped off to the Nick, have your mouth swabbed and a rubber glove up your ar*e. Oh, and to help you along the way a good Tasering to soften you up.

Pete - "... it sounded like they flew from one side of the living room to the other, ...". Early surround sound I remember reading an article in Scientific America (don't mock ... I was a student in the late '60's) about wiring-up 4 speakers in a particular fashion to create a quadraphonic effect; this was at the time when proprietary quad hi-fi systems were just coming onto the market but with prices the likes of us could never afford. Anyway, I followed the instructions and was amazed by the effect.

"Did they sell powedered egg?". Yep, during the last big bun fight with Jerry Hun.

And do you know why it's going down the pan ... all they sell these days is cheap Chinese plakka tosh, sweeties and a few CDs. Back in the Day you could get just about anything there ... from shoe repair materials (I remember my old man buying leather soles & steel taps for home repairs on his last) through to furniture and everything in between. It was the poor man's John Lewis.

alan - I'm intrigued by the 'c' in alanc. Was your nickname 'Cowt' at school, did you have an older brother in the cops, did you know a lad whose nickname was 'Talc' (not me), are you about 56? If yes to these questions, say so and I'll send you a private message via the Forum. You could be an old pal of mine.

Wasn't there a Tuck Shop in the big building - I'm sure you could get tea and sweets but maybe that's my memory playing tricks. We also swam in the River, probably ¼ of a mile up-stream from the baths/steppy stones, at the dam - deep on one side, a slime slide on the other and a rope swing for Tarzan plops into the water.

And what about the so called 'Olympic Legacy'? The Olympic Stadium will be ripped apart to reduce its capacity for athletics & footy - but no footy club wants to have a running track around the pitch so none have signed-up. We've all seen how lifeless/dull/lacking in atmosphere those foreign grounds are (Champ League tv games) ... goodness, it might even become as empty as the Smoggies tip or as grim as that darkplace in mackemland. The donkey riding & jumping in Greenwich park will consist of temporary stands and other facilities, all to be ripped-out at the end, no doubt causing long-term damage to this beautiful park (& Heritage Site). The shooting, just along the road at Woolwich Barracks – new ranges constructed, new seating, and all the rest – this is all coming out when the curtain comes down. This is a particular waste of dosh as just down the road, near Dartford, there’s already a shooting complex where the money could have been better spent on an up-grade ... that would have left an Olympic Legacy. They reckon we’ll all be paying for this for decades to come through taxation. The poor saps in Greater London will have to pay even more via a Council Tax Surcharge, although some on the Forum may say that “it serves them right for being Cockneys”. As to the Dome (or the O² as we now have to call it) - a great building but what a missed opportunity. I visited the place shortly after it opened and thought the structure was brilliant but the contents was so naff I couldn't believe it. The Faith Zone (an empty white space), fast-food concessions everywhere, the biggest diamond in the World (actually, it was just a glass fake), the Body Zone (a giant plastic dolly which you walked through) ... Oh dear! the place looked cheap and nasty. I had better times at the Miners Picnic! They should have built the National Stadium (Wembley) there instead of Dome.

alan - if you use the Search function in the Menu Bar above, and type in Humford and/or Humford Baths you'll get previous postings about that much loved place. Ah, fond memories: peep holes in the wooden walls of the changing cubicles, frogs in the filter pool and being chucked in there by the 'big lads', the cold water ... something not really noticed/ignored because we pretended to be tough, happy days out with mates. I can't remember the entrance fee ... was it a tanner?

Denzel - join Mr Darn at the top of the class for your accurate assessment of the situation. Brief, punchy and well argued!

I wrote here on Friday 31st October - "Now Max Clifford representing the Granddaughter ... it all smells like a publicity stunt to me. You can just image Brand, whilst busy 'diddling' (his expression, not mine!) with The Granddaughter hatching a plan for her future career. Just watch ... glamour shots in the tabs, invitation to join one of those awful reality shows, celebrity stardom. You couldn't make it up." Well guess what? Celebrity stardom on Channel 5 tonight, preceded by her press statement via that Channel: Andrew Sachs's granddaughter Georgina Baillie has called for Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross to be reinstated. "The 23-year-old said Radio 2 DJ Brand's resignation and Ross's three month suspension without pay was "out of proportion". Baillie, who performs with her dance troupe the Satanic Sluts, has also told how she wants to pursue a career as an actress and model. She told broadcaster Five in her first TV interview: "I was really angry when I said I wanted them both to be fired, but I think the suspension was good enough. So I'm feeling a bit gutted really about the whole thing. "I think it's way out of proportion what's happened, and I don't hate either of them, I don't at all. I think they're really talented comedians and I think a world without Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand would be a very sad, dull place. "You know I think Russell needs to learn a few lessons about respecting women, definitely, and maybe Jonathan Ross could maybe think before he speaks in the future. I don't have any harder feeling than that." She added: "I want to keep performing with my dance troupe. And all these modelling offers have come through which is quite interesting. I thought about doing modelling a few years ago but was told I was a bit too chunky for that, but now all of a sudden I'm not, so that's great." To quote the great Ethel Merman ... "There's no business like show business".

Yeh, numerous versions of the transcript are available online, but beware of which one you read and believe. The one that caused all the fuss includes stuff that was never transmitted, the bits that the producers 'left on the cutting-room floor'. This 'spun' version was disseminated by that Pantomime Villain of 'Fleet Street', the Mail. Ah, wouldn't Dr Goebbels be proud of them. Also, pinch your nose when viewing the 'live' footage of the show which is available on You Tube and others; again this shows the pre-cut stuff. Why no prosecution? Not enough evidence perhaps! Could be that no offense was committed! No complaint by Sachs to the cops. Is anybody to get the ball rolling over Jeremy Clarkson's observation, on Top Gear last night, that truck drivers murder prostitutes, and his use of the word pikie. Maybe we should start a list here of comedy shows that should be attacked for being offensive to Middle England - we could called it the Burning of the Books. Oh dear, that sounds familiar as well, has a bit of a 1930's ring to it. I'll start the list: Hancock's Half Hour - mocking the NHS Blood Transfusion Service That Was The Week That Was - cruelty to Politicians and being unfair to fraudsters Monty Python's Flying Circus - being inaccessable to 'The Great Unwashed' but hilarious to the Educated Classes, causing the DG of the Beeb sleepless nights, spawning a generation of great comic actors and their subsequent output Not The Nine O'clock News - jokes about thick coppers Porridge - mocking the gay inmate, mocking figures in authority The Office - for simply being very UNFUNNY, a waste of electricity, and allowing Gervais to continue to perpetrate a 'comedy' con on the Nation Little Britain - funny first episode but then became a 'one trick pony' - variation (if we're lucky) of the same stuff every week

Spot on Mr Darn, balanced and well argued, as usual. Dave's remark, "Getting a massive wedge ..." (whilst technically accurate) confirms my view that it's Ross's renumeration that's driving this purge, not his behaviour. This whole saga reminds me of what went on here a couple of years ago. The comfortable backwater that was this Forum, with it's easy opinions, folksy reminiscences, old (not offensive) jokes and the occasional quiz, was 'contaminated' by the toxic views of a couple of posters. What resulted was a call to ban the perpetrators but wiser counsel prevailed; my own suggestion for a 'cesspit' section of the Forum (now branded Chat Central) was taken-up. Anybody entering it is warned of the potential for shocking content. So no censorship or bans - excellent!!! Where this comparison breaks down slightly is that complaints were made about Radio 2's version of Chat Central (the graveyard shift that was Brand's show) ... people knew what they were letting themselves in for by tuning-in, so how could anybody be shocked? All comedy attacks, by definition there must always be a victim. Every joke told sneers at something; fat folk, gays, Jews, Blacks, mackem scum, 'retards', the French, the Germans, etc., etc. It's a device to make us feel superior (better) than others. Trouble is that usually the most offensive jokes are the funniest.

Jorga wrote "can`t agree here, we are paying licence money to Ross he is an idiot who thinks he can do and say what he wants lets have some decency please, as for the idea of the Mail being a Nazi paper, my grandad always said their were plenty of Nazis in Bedlington, " gifted Radio Controller" who are you trying to kid." I'm quite happy that Jorga, as a licence fee payer, doesn't agree with me, another licence payer, about the worth of Ross to The Beeb. However, what can't be denied is the popularity* of the bloke, and what a 'shot in the arm' he gave to that moribund getto that was Radio 2; it wasn't long ago that all you got there was Jimmy Young, Wogan and a load more stiffs (the same has-beens wheeled out this week to put their spiteful boots in). Yeh, maybe Ross "is an idiot who thinks he can do and say what he wants ", but loads of us like that stuff. I do, however accept that abusing Manuel was a step too far and 'consequences' should have followed - measured consequences! But please, not the un-holy sight of Littlejohn and his ilk behaving like latterday Witchfinder Generals hunting down comics for burning at the stake of fake public indignation. I'm sure the Mail reflected a large degree of popular appeal here in the 30's, the decade of Mosley's Blackshirts and rampant Anti-Semitism (including the popular move to keep those fleeing Nazi persecution out). Interesting how an organ of the Boss Class was avidly devoured by those being kept in their places (usually the Dole Queue) and how they usually absorbed the poison that suggested it was all the immigrants' (read Jews') fault. Lesley Douglas was a "gifted Radio Controller" if one of those can be described as (and I do) having rescued Radio 2 from a diet of 1950's drivel and disappearing audience figures*. It is now the most popular* radio station in the land. I think what really is driving this hysteria is Ross's wages packet 'cos just about every adverse comment/article/blog/posting usually ends up mentioning it ... well maybe fair comment (it is an outrageous amount of dosh), but he was offered £15 million from a rival broadcaster at the time but stuck with Auntie. I reckon this demonstrated the 'worth' of the job at the time. Finally, why is it we don't see the Mail and the Sun waging a relentless vendetta against the Bankers, vile footballers, and other unworthies? Why don't they doorstep the boss of Barclays or those tw#ts Terry & Ferdinand with the same enthusiasm? Orders from above maybe ... "just following orders" - now where have I heard that before? *popularity measured using the agreed industry standard for listener/viewer figures

Shame on the weak kneed, yellow-bellied craven bosses at the Beeb who are clearly running scared of the hysteria whipped-up by that vile Nazi supporting rag, The Mail; the same paper, whose Ward Price supported Hitler in the 30's and thought the idea of the Concentration Camps had some merit. The Mail, in it's recent Editorial, even accused Brand of making a joke about the Holocaust, when what he had done was to remind us of that paper's Nazi tradition. So we can describe recent events as the Mail's Revenge, stirring-up the ‘beige brigades’ who normally lust after the chair lifts advertised it’s Classified Section, to complain in their thousands to the Beeb. This blitzkrieg, driven by the Mail’s fake outrage should be seen for what it is! The two naughty boys apologised, Andrew Sachs accepted these with grace, the Beeb should have then drawn a line under the episode then. Instead, we have the gifted Radio 2 Controller sacrificed, one talent permanently exiled and the other 'flogged around the fleet' for 3 months. All we now have to look forward to is a diet of anaemic, safe tosh dished-up as cutting edge by scared comics; they'll always be 'looking over their shoulders'. Watch out Franky Boyle ... you'll be next for that old Queen's !*!@# skit. Leave the comics alone! - otherwise prepare for wall-to-wall Wogan. Now Max Clifford representing the Granddaughter ... it all smells like a publicity stunt to me. You can just image Brand, whilst busy 'diddling' (his expression, not mine!) with The Granddaughter hatching a plan for her future career. Just watch ... glamour shots in the tabs, invitation to join one of those awful reality shows, celebrity stardom. You couldn't make it up.