Merlin

In an article in one of todays sunday tabloids Lenny Henry says he shuns the comedy awards as they are dominated by WHITE performers, and told of his fury at the lack of recognition for BLACK comedians. He said " I've stopped going because every time I used to present something there was a WHITE audience.

Well Mr L Henry do you think because you is Black you is funny? Or do you think because you is s.h.i.t but black you demand an award, I mean you should know, you are the un funniest BLACK man in Britain the only laugh I had was when you married that fat WHITE bint who is equally as un funny as you. And you lot don't start the Racist talk HE started it ooh but he will get away with it because he's BLACK and I am WHITE, me an' him together should make a good TOON strip. Another thing Mr Henry maybe just maybe there are no good BLACK comedians! Have you ever thought of that before you started your RACIST rant! One law for me and one law for you my BLACK friend. I would NEVER have brought Colour into it but you lot just can't let it go can you and you call us RACISTS in court when' ya after compensation man' DO ONE and QUICK

I was having a great sex session, thoroughly enjoying myself, when the condom burst! Blast! Then I had a wonderful thought, I wondered how beautiful the puppies would be !!!!!!

Get some humongus wind turbines fitted to every property in Bedlington! That's what I say! Then let's see what the conversionists say.

Let's see who is right mmmmm Solar panels or mmmmmmmmmmmm conversionists?.........FIGHT!

Don't worry symptoms word on the street is Monsta is coming back! With a vengeance! Like me after a holiday at the pleasure of Her Majesty, although his parole was later than mine, he can't wait to wind you lot up again Looking forward to it m8 MWHAHA MWHAHA

Paddy is feelin' a bit horny, so he pops down the local red light district. Down a back alley he meets a pro.

How much for a good time pet?

£10 replies the pro.

I'll have some of that, replies Paddy.

As he was doing the business a policeman comes up the alley shining his torch.

Aye! Aye! What's going on here then? Asks the policeman.

I'm having sex with my wife! Replies Paddy.

I'm so sorry says the policeman I didn't realise it was your wife!

Neither did I until you shone your torch, says Paddy

If you watch some of the Tarzan movies with more interest, you will probably get an insight into what is actually happening in SA. These programmes were an early attempt at propaganda! Mugabi is a prime example!

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK. WE THOUGHT WE WERE WELL RID, NOW WE WILL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH MORE UNADULTERATED TOSH. NEVER MIND, WELCOME BACK MERLIN. (ps. Malcolm did a good job filling in for you, he managed to spout enough rubbish for the pair of ya )

well said Keith hahahaha

cheers John, well pleased things are going so well, I wanted so badly to be involved but circumstances took over! I'm still here if ever you need anything, all you gotta do is ask! All the best, and good luck John you deserve it!

well hard lines,

just when you thought it was safe to enter here,

to get your one sided governmental spiel into gear,

to get no reprimand from far and near,

well have no fear

Merlin is here!

I'M BACK.

Watch out Merlins about!

You all breathed a sigh of relief,

you thought I was gone,

down the road to Ceylon,

now I'm back to give you GRIEF!

cos you lot ain't got any belief,

Now don't think ya safe cooncilla's

you've gotten away with a lot of late,

cos you thought I was out the garden gate,

ya a bunch ov ugly gorrilla's

but act like a bunch ov chinchilla's

Somebody stop me.... PLEASE HAHAHA

I been off here a while, but don't think I don't care any more, I just got a bit peed off! Daft working patterns and grief at work, I found I had no time to do anything. But things are going to change, I'm going to make time, work cannot be allowed to take over my life!

It's good to be back, good tidings to you all and all the very best for the New Year. Cheers Merlin

Bedlington to Cincinnatti in such a short time, I knew you were good but... HOWAY MAN Slow yasel doon!

And its very good to have you back!

If you don`t go away again you might even get a road named after you like I did.

Oh & a Crescent.

Yep & a Place.

Not to mention a church!

How about a radio station? Yep you guessed it......... I'M BACK! How are things John?

Here's how important Bedlington stands in the eyes of our so called saviours of Bedlington, Tesco...CLOSED...Morrisons.... CLOSED! An' you lot still think THEY will bring new business to this forgotten Ghost Town? I don't think so! Wake up and smell the roses! To get what I needed today I had to leave Bedlington, as per usual. Morrisons don't want to be here and Tesco have absolutely no intention of extending whatsoever, a pipe dream if there ever was!

To get back to outlets for kids or even just some new outlets, the people who own these premises to let must, I repeat, must reduce their rents and introduce some incentives to attract new business's, instead of wringing their hands with glee at the exorbitant rent prices they have set for new business's to set up! Don't think for one minute that I am talking out the top of my head! I was involved with a business that had premises on the Front Street, the first premises was owned locally, we moved to another premises owned by some people in London. Why? Simple really, rent! We moved to premises four times the size for about half the rent charged by local landlord. Sorted, yes.... not so, enter the the next set of blood sucking morons, the local cooncil! I ain't going there, but put it this way we AIN'T there any more! NUFF SAID!!!!

Scientists have found through DNA testing that women are related to prawns! Their heads are full of S.H.I.T but their pink bits taste wonderful!

I've never played Blyth

The Foreign Legion were in the Desert.

Commanding Officer: Sergeant why have you got a camel in that tent?

Sergeant: Well the lads get lonely being away from their wives and girlfriends sir.

CO: That's disgusting! Get rid of it at once

Three weeks later, still in the desert;

CO: Sergeant do you still happen to have that camel in that tent?

Serg: Well yes we do sir. Why?

CO: Sergeant I feel a bit lonely myself, I have need of the camel, bring it into the middle of the compound, also bring me a chair to stand on! I don't care who see's, in fact bring the men to the compound as well, I'm not shy.

Serg: If that's what you want sir.

CO: It is.

Serg: OK sir

So the sergeant brings the camel to the compound, gets a chair and assembles all the men. The CO marches out climbs on the chair, drops his keks lifts the camels tail and starts to do the business

CO: How am I doing sergeant?

Serg: You're doing fine sir, but the lads usually ride the camel to the nearest village to find a woman! :dribble:

Should have phoned P.A.W.S. - 828756

Would you be interested in a Big Cat spotted on Bedlington Golf Course

we people in blyth also have snakes they are called councillors when they need our votes ?

Not a rare breed these as they are also in Bedlington, they also speak with forked tongue :dribble:

Nothing like going to a fish and chip shop and sitting down with a meal inc bread and butter and a pot of tea.

Seahouses Brian well worth the drive, the only difficult thing is choosing the one you want to sit in and have your fish'n'chips, bread and tea. In fact I might just have a drive up there this week end!

Fuggles Brian and yesh itsh shtil Oopen Hic! :dribble: Real ales and food

I recall him saying that as well :dribble:

Some very interesting points in there that need answering by the school! I hope they have complied with EVERYTHING regarding the cctv installation. I note that there was no mention of listening devices!

Cheers Pete.

I bet that I'm in stupid shift.......AGAIN, every thing falls when I'm at bloody work

Good one Pete, I might just join you! :dribble:

Did you know that Bennies have installed CCTV and listening devices in the sixth form common room! To say I am not happy about this is an understatement. This was brought to my attention by my daughter. Now, at a time when we as parents are BANNED from photographing or videoing our kids at school functions such as nativity plays or any other event, by HSE and Do-Gooders because of, now how do I put this,...PERVERTS! So, Basically, what they are saying is that parents can't watch their children but it's ok for teachers and cctv operators to watch, listen and PERV at our children! WHAT! I DON'T !*!@# THINK SO!

I have told my daughter to boycott the common room and tell her school mates to do the same, and to find somewhere else to meet in school and if any of the teachers say anything to them about not using the common room, to point them in my direction! I know for a fact that this is wrong and am seeking legal advice!

Malcolm, what can I say, hope you enjoyed yasel, and you will have to break open ya first pay packet m8 (2s6d) for a deposit on a new car :dribble:

Just Kidding! All the Best.