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Everything posted by Ovalteeny

  1. The Test The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello." "Mrs. Sanders, please." "Speaking." "Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well... We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good." "What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which." "That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Sanders. "Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests once." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The MEDICARE Helpdesk recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town”. “If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him!”
  2. Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Yellow Labrador turned to the Black Labrador and said, " So why are you here? " The Black Lab replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The Yellow Lab said, " So what's the vet going to do? " " Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the Black Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down." The Black Lab then turned to the Yellow Lab and asked " Why are you here? " The Yellow Lab said, " I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. but I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch." " So what are they going to do to you? " the Black Lab inquired. " Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Yellow Lab said. The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, " Why are you here ? " " I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away." The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, " So, it's nuts off for you too, huh ?” The Great Dane said, " No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"
  3. belated birthday wishes from me too, Malcolm
  4. here's another example of Mike without his band, although he does have the wonderful McCrarry Sisters helping with the vocals on this video. I'm pretty sure that they will not be at Washington with Mike, more the shame.
  5. Most people will not have heard of Mike Farris, but he is a Grammy Winning blues/gospel singer with an amazing voice from Tennessee USA. Ashington Town Council have booked him to play at The White House Unique Social Club on Thursday 20th. October. Not many tickets left, but if you like music then this will be very special. Check out this video to see what he is all about.
  6. Hi Canny Lass, whilst John Shelley posted the photo on Facebooks Bygone Bedlington, I am in the front row and have helped with names. It is I who thinks it is Moira Climpson, whilst I am happy to be proved wrong, I know she was a Netherton girl who was in our class. I agree with you that she didn't have short hair. Perhaps she had it tied back for the photo. On closer look at the photo maybe this is the answer. Anyway, if someone else can have a look and help out with this query, then hopefully we can clarify who No. 14 is. It would also be very helpful if anyone can fill in the missing names.
  7. Take a look and listen to the latest song/video from Ulsterman - FOY VANCE. Taken from his new album "The wild swans on the lake", executive producer = Elton John and released on Ed Sheeren's label. Check out his web-site for more info and check out YouTube for more videos. This man is something special.
  8. Thanks for all the Birthday Wishes. Just one comment for my old pal Eggy - you are slightly pre-mature with your calculation son - soixante neuf will be next July. Agreed that it is a very good golf score and one that I aspire to over 9 holes at The Village.
  9. Derek Firth is on his death bed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in London. He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes. When all is ready he begins to speak: "My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." "My daughter, Sybil, you take the apartments over in the East end." "My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Thames ." The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realise the extent of his holdings. As Derek slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. Firth , my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property¦... "Property?", she replies. "The bugger had a window cleaning round."
  10. excellent cover from The California Honeydrops, with excellent support from Grace Love and the True Loves.
  11. Refreshing change from the Super-Powers that have monopolised the Premier / Champions League in recent years.
  12. Ovalteeny


    Quite simple, the Band was put together for one special performance at the 1987 Grammys. If you look at the musicians behind the featured, front-line singers & players you'll see the likes of Ry Cooder.
  13. Ovalteeny


    I like this one from 1987 Grammy Awards. Hell of a backing band, never mind the chosen singers.
  14. Nice analysis Eggy. My heart hopes you're wrong but my head says you are probably right. Those 2 extra points last night might have made all the difference. Getting anything at Anfield will be difficult, but irony sometimes plays a big part in such sporting events, with Rafa returning to Scouseland. Mathematically there is still hope and while there's still hope there's still a possibility. your sincerely, "the external optimist"
  15. Happy Birthday Brett, have a gud un.
  16. his is either the Top Club or Market Club, circa 1948-50
  17. GOTTA PEE Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought She would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave That had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she Proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to Go home. The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!" "That's nothing," said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her arse that said...... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.' "
  18. I'm with Eggy on the Corned Beef Pasties. Best snack around. I can see Rafael Benitez getting hooked on them.
  19. Nice one Malcolm, I'd seen that on Facebook just the other day. Try this little 3 songs (from the recently released CD), acoustic concert from Lake Street Dive. The singer is Rachel Price and she is, in my opinion quite special.
  20. It's not just in Sport that there are countless experts & pundits being paid to spout drivel, you are spot on Eggy. My pet hate is the BBC News Room, when the News at 6pm or 10pm starts. That News Room behind the News Presenter is absolutely massive and all those empty desks. How come they need so much space, how come they need so many desks, how come they need so many reporters to cover the news. Years ago, there was Reuters who had journalists around the world and BBC & ITV would use the Reuters report to tell the nation that something had occurred in some far flung place that really doesn't concern us.
  21. Thanks Orloff, the name doesn't ring a bell. I was at Westridge from Sept '59 to July '64.
  22. Orloff, I was in the same class at Westridge as David Hetherington & John Shelley. What was your sisters name?
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