webtrekker

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webtrekker last won the day on April 21

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About webtrekker

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    Junior Bedlingtonian

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  1. Hmm.... quality seems a bit degraded now. It looks slightly out of focus to what it used to be. May just be that I need a trip to Specsavers though!
  2. Probably just another Elite con to have XP etc replaced worldwide with the likes of W10, which has more backdoors than the local knocking shop. Paranoid? Who? Me? Never!
  3. After 7 years training and several more years in public practice, a good friend of mine has been found guilty of gross professional misconduct and struck off. He can no longer work in the medical profession he devoted his life to. He had sex with a patient. It was, he says, consensual. Neither was married, but rules are rules. Anyway, all that training down the drain. (**Lifts glass...**) Here's to Dave. A good mate and the best vet I've ever known.
  4. My girlfriend said if I don’t do page 7 of the Kama Sutra she will leave me. It's put me in a very difficult position.
  5. A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely. At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing £10 in 50p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account. At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'. 'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier. The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.' 'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?' The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously: 'I think so. Provided those wankers at Wickes deliver the f*cking bricks on time.'
  6. A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly. He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto : 'To Fly. To Serve'? The woman looks at him blankly He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'? Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto 'Going beyond expectations'? The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f*ck do you want?' 'Aha!' he says, "Ryan Air".
  7. Seems another, albeit less important, election has been forecast for June 8th.
  8. It's wrong to blame everything on Brexit when we know fine well it was the Russians every time!
  9. Thanks for that. It had me, and especially my dog, wondering what the hell it was. Nowhere near as loud as the farmer's bloody propane bird-scarer going off regularly in the field behind us though.
  10. Christmas Old and New -
  11. No swearing by order of the management!
  12. <iframe src="http://www.amazon.co.uk"></iframe>