Poppylass

9 months later!!!

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady whoanswered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said.. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather br eaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend...

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do youremember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." Said Bob..

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little emba rrassed about being found out, I have to admit that I did.."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry,buddy.. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

Fool proof way for old guys to pick up chicks :

I met a girl in the park the other evening,

there was an instant spark between us and she immediately

dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet.

As we lay making love, I thought

"These taser guns are well worth the money."

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny,

Said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your

Clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few

Inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she

Simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of

Underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?'

He said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared

When he shook them out.

'April', he hollered into the bathroom, '

Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder;

it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!!

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.

'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'

So he tied her up and went golfing.

Read the sign, Giggs......

I'm wondering what will happen when Rick finds out about his wife and his friend! It's bound to come out!

I was dead (sorry for the pun!) pleased to see Jeffrey De Munn in it, I always thought he was a good actor, though I haven't seen him in anything for ages until he popped up in this.

I think I'll buy it on DVD, I could easily watch it again. My mother watches it too, but she missed the first few, including the poor old horse scene!!

You want a laugh you should read the comments about him on Twitter! There are some real comedians out there!

Morcambe and Wise. I loved the Andre Previn and the piano scene -

Previn - "You're playing all the wrong notes!"

Morcambe - "I'm playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order!"

I loved the Walking Dead, looking forward to next series. Unfortunate place to put the advert though!

Can't believe no-one in Pakistan knew he was there... they have some serious questions to answer.

It's true what that American CIA guy said on the tele, they were either involved, or incompetent.

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1

All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.

Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip.

It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 2

Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man ....

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 3

At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 4

Won £800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.

Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.

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DEAR DIARY - DAY 6

Today I saved 1600 lives.

Twice.

We are very fortunate in having so many lovely walks around the Bedlington area and my wife and I have done them all - several times. If you haven't already done so, you may wish to try the Hartford Hall to Humford Mill walk. This starts by crossing over a style over the wall just before the entance to Hartford Hall on the A1068 road out of Bedlington.

I haven't done that one, I've made a note of it, I'll definitely explore it. Thanks for that!

Last week I was lucky enough to be off work while we had the lovely weather, and I spent every day going to a different park in the area. Monday - Alnwick Gardens, Tuesday - Bedlington Country Park, Wednesday - Queen Elizabeth II park, Thursday - Plessey Woods, Friday - Druridge Bay (Very foggy, but I got a photo of a Swan sitting on her nest which is due to be printed in the Evening Chronicle on Tuesday!) and Bolam lake on Saturday.

Today I spent the day at Wansbeck Country Park. I've never been before, but I'll certainly be going back. It is beautiful! What a gorgeous stretch of river. Plenty of places to sit (mown grass, seats and picnic benches) and a lovely long walk. I started at the car park near the caravan site and walked all the way down to the weir. I've attached one of my photos - this is of a swan just coming in to land on the water.

If you like a nice day out in the countryside with lovely views you have to visit here. And the parkings free! (Just watch out for the little road bumps as you drive down to the car park, I was so busy taking in the river my little car was bouncing over them!!

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.