I want to thank the care committee and drivers for taking me to the doctor's after my heart attack and valve replacement operation. Thank you each and every one of you. You looked after me so well. Also thankyou to Mr Windsor for your help with my passport I couldn't have done it without you. When things are settled down I will give a donation.
Martin who? Well the surname is Selmayr, and he's a 47-year-old German lawyer known as a "monster eurocrat", and the "Rasputin of Brussels".
Nothing to do with me you say... well, not quite. By some mysterious process he just became "Secretary General of the European Commission". Still nothing to do with me you say, as he's not even in the European Parliament. You'd be right there, as he's now the guy that heads the junta that hands down law for the European Parliament to rubber stamp - law which our great and good have "wisely" made transcendent to English law. Understand why he's got a smirk on his face, and old Juncks is looking like... well... am I going to get away with this?
Why was this professional lawyer appointed by the Brussels mafia? Well... "Mr Selmayr, who was previously Mr Juncker's chief of staff, is a vocal supporter of European federalism and one of the EU's most vehement opponents of Brexit."
Getting the plot now?
Just when you were doing so well Ronnie! You go and support the establishment, and badly damage the UK's negotiating position in the process. What on earth were you thinking by supporting the Tory rebels, and voting against your constituent's best interests?
Come the next GE this will be remembered. But, perhaps you've already decided to retire on your parliamentary pension and don't want to rock the boat. Some answers please?