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Brian Cross

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Does Santa Clause exist?

 

No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are 300 000 living organisms that do and even if most of these are insects and bacteria it doesn't rule out the possibility that flying reindeer - which only Santa Clause has access to - do, in fact, exist.

 

There are approximately 2 billion children (persons under the age of 18) on this earth. However, Santa Clause doesn't seem to visit Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus or Jews, thus reducing the workload to roughly 15% - in round figures 378 million.

 

With an average of 3.5 children per household - and assuming that at least one child in each household has behaved himself the whole year - Santa is required to visit 91.9 million homes.

 

Santa Clause has only 38 hours in which to do this - thanks mainly to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth. I am of course assuming that he travels from east to west as that would appear to be the most logical. It follows that Santa Clause must make 822.6 visits every second. This would mean that at every Christian household with well behaved children Santa Clause would have 1/1 000 of a second to park, disembark, squeeze down the chimney, fill stockings, place parcels under the tree, eat the mince-pies and drink the sherry that have been left for him, get himself back up the chimney and onto his sleigh ready for the next visit while at the same time trying to remain reasonably sober..

 

If we assume that all these households are equally distributed over the surface of the earth (which we know they are not, but it makes the arithmetic easier), and that the journey is 1.2 km per household, then Santa's journey would be 120.8 million kilometres. Therefore, Santa's sleigh would have to move at a speed of 1 045 km/second (3 000 times the speed of sound!), if no child were to be disappointed on Christmas morning. I'm making no allowances here for toilet visits or meal times for either Santa or his reindeers. Just to compare, one of the quickest vehicles built by man - the Ulysses space probe - moves at a speed of 43.8 km/second while a reindeer - of the conventional type - moves at a speed of 24 km/hour.

 

The cargo on the sleigh adds another interesting dimension to the equation. If we assume that every child gets no more than a box of Lego, weighing approximately 1.5 kg, then the sleigh must be carrying 321 000 ton - and that's not including Santa Clause who is most often portrayed as being somewhat overweight.

 

On the ground, conventional reindeers can't draw a load of more than 220 kg so even if we agree that Santa's 'flying' reindeer can draw more than 10 times the normal weight it wouldn't be enough with only eight reindeer. We would need a staggering 214 000 reindeer which would increase the weight of the sleigh to 354 430 ton. Again, just for the sake of comparison, that's four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. Just imagine that on your roof!

 

These 354 430 tons, travelling at 1 045 km/second, would create an enormous air resistance which would heat up the reindeer - in the same manner as a space capsule returning to the earth's atmosphere. The two leading reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of pure energy per second - EACH! In other words, they would be burned up immediately and, not enough with that, the reindeer following would be subjected not only to immense heat but also a deafening explosion. The whole troupe of reindeer would disintegrate in less that 4.26/1 000 of a second and Santa Clause would be subjected to a g-force 17 000 500.06 times the normal. A Santa Clause weighing 182 kg would be pressed against the back wall of the sleigh with a force of 3 149.961 kg.

 

The only conclusion that can be rightly drawn is that should there at any time have been a Santa Clause delivering presents on Christmas Eve then he is no longer living!

 

But, please keep this a secret and try to enjoy yourselves anyhow!

 

Have a really good Christmas and New Year.

 

PS I must learn how to post a Picture next year. It would be so much easier!

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Does Santa Clause exist?

 

No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are 300 000 living organisms that do and even if most of these are insects and bacteria it doesn't rule out the possibility that flying reindeer - which only Santa Clause has access to - do, in fact, exist.

 

There are approximately 2 billion children (persons under the age of 18) on this earth. However, Santa Clause doesn't seem to visit Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus or Jews, thus reducing the workload to roughly 15% - in round figures 378 million.

 

With an average of 3.5 children per household - and assuming that at least one child in each household has behaved himself the whole year - Santa is required to visit 91.9 million homes.

 

Santa Clause has only 38 hours in which to do this - thanks mainly to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth. I am of course assuming that he travels from east to west as that would appear to be the most logical. It follows that Santa Clause must make 822.6 visits every second. This would mean that at every Christian household with well behaved children Santa Clause would have 1/1 000 of a second to park, disembark, squeeze down the chimney, fill stockings, place parcels under the tree, eat the mince-pies and drink the sherry that have been left for him, get himself back up the chimney and onto his sleigh ready for the next visit while at the same time trying to remain reasonably sober..

 

If we assume that all these households are equally distributed over the surface of the earth (which we know they are not, but it makes the arithmetic easier), and that the journey is 1.2 km per household, then Santa's journey would be 120.8 million kilometres. Therefore, Santa's sleigh would have to move at a speed of 1 045 km/second (3 000 times the speed of sound!), if no child were to be disappointed on Christmas morning. I'm making no allowances here for toilet visits or meal times for either Santa or his reindeers. Just to compare, one of the quickest vehicles built by man - the Ulysses space probe - moves at a speed of 43.8 km/second while a reindeer - of the conventional type - moves at a speed of 24 km/hour.

 

The cargo on the sleigh adds another interesting dimension to the equation. If we assume that every child gets no more than a box of Lego, weighing approximately 1.5 kg, then the sleigh must be carrying 321 000 ton - and that's not including Santa Clause who is most often portrayed as being somewhat overweight.

 

On the ground, conventional reindeers can't draw a load of more than 220 kg so even if we agree that Santa's 'flying' reindeer can draw more than 10 times the normal weight it wouldn't be enough with only eight reindeer. We would need a staggering 214 000 reindeer which would increase the weight of the sleigh to 354 430 ton. Again, just for the sake of comparison, that's four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. Just imagine that on your roof!

 

These 354 430 tons, travelling at 1 045 km/second, would create an enormous air resistance which would heat up the reindeer - in the same manner as a space capsule returning to the earth's atmosphere. The two leading reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of pure energy per second - EACH! In other words, they would be burned up immediately and, not enough with that, the reindeer following would be subjected not only to immense heat but also a deafening explosion. The whole troupe of reindeer would disintegrate in less that 4.26/1 000 of a second and Santa Clause would be subjected to a g-force 17 000 500.06 times the normal. A Santa Clause weighing 182 kg would be pressed against the back wall of the sleigh with a force of 3 149.961 kg.

 

The only conclusion that can be rightly drawn is that should there at any time have been a Santa Clause delivering presents on Christmas Eve then he is no longer living!

 

But, please keep this a secret and try to enjoy yourselves anyhow!

 

Have a really good Christmas and New Year.

 

PS I must learn how to post a Picture next year. It would be so much easier!

Brilliant. You must be sorted then. Time on your hands, or is that (apart from the last 3 lines) cut & paste.

Must get a new 'gizmodo' for xmas.

 

All the best. 

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Not exactly Eggy. I translated it from Swedish. Got it from one of the 'older' grandchildren (who's now the conker champion with his very own 'sixer').

And what's a gizmodo?

Edited by Canny lass

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Vic ??? you have 1.5 billion children?? no wonder social services and benefits agency have no money left !!!!!!!!!!!! ( I suggest you get a television and a hobby! - although I have to admire your stamina..)

 

Although in this festering season I must thank all for the wonderful entertainment - laughs, and at times heightened blood pressure the posts on here have provided me with, not forgetting the eye leakage of nostalgia and a sense of times forgot and perhaps lost.

I do hope your bells are decked with holly.

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ah - i see a problem and must challenge your hypothesis on the 'Santa' question (which must be on the minds of all political types at this time) -  you have failed to factor in the major problems - ergo (damn foreign talk again) assuming the ingestion of some 91.9 million mince pies and the same amount of glasses of sherry within 36 hours one has to consider the effects on the internal processes. Now QED (damn those foreigners for thinking of that phrase) we all know that a latrinal visitation is not required for the first 3 pints but once that threshold is passed it is a irrebuttable and continuous process, which cannot be denied. this must be considered on the time scale you have promulgated. (also do not forget the alcohol induced craving for a kebab which cannot be denied) therefore the timescale is impossible.

If this can be negated by proposing that 'Santa' has no need to do that sort of thing - then you must factor in the mass/weight of said 91.9 million glasses of sherry and mince pies, which would drastically increase the mass and therefore the energy needed to propel the sleigh, now them reindeer are big things but there are only a finite amount harnessed up - ask any child and they will give you their names... the alternative is the most humungous colostomy bag or nappy - which sort of takes away the whole xmas card Idyll and that in itself would increase the weight - although I can see his 'get out' he could 'dump' the contents of the bag and no one would notice if he labelled it 'NCC Policy Document' (It worked for Noah, but when it was found by Columbus he called it America) 

all the festering greetings of the season

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Now in all fairness Pilgrim, I did point out that allowances were not being made for toilet visits for either Santa Clause or his reindeers! I did this to get round the fact that the UK has not as yet standardised the mince pie to any specific weight or circumfrence measurement - a bit like Cornwall and it's pasty (which requires only a specified origin) - making any calculation of the amount of NCC policy document (is that a euphemism?) impossible. 

 

Having just returned from a few weeks touring (and seeing through a haze of Mojito and Piña Colada) the island of Cuba I have the answer in the palm of my hand. Cuba is having the same problem with all the horse drawn carriages that compete with tourist buses on the motorways. Here the animal is requred to have an old shirt, free choice of colour, threaded by the arms over the shafts of the carriage, while the shirt tail is in some mysterious manner attached to the foot board of the carriage itself. It functions a bit like the nappy you mention in collecting up the NCC policy document as it is churned out but without impeding the movement of the horse.

 

I think it could be implemented at once if all you guys give up one measly little shirt in the name of Christmas.

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A further complication, that may be brought on by the excessive consumption of mince pies, would be the need to down a bottle of Gaviscon mid-journey.

Assuming Santa would need to buy this from a shop closing fairly late on a Christmas Eve, (ie. the Co-op), then Santa may encounter a 'queue' of around 3 people, which, as we all know only too well, takes 3 hours to clear! :D

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Brilliant Canny Lass.

My belief ,supplied by my Godmother, was in the Christmas Anna Angel.

It seems in Greece an Anna Angel came on Christmas night and baked a cake.

If there was a good sunset then it was obviously the Angels were having a party.

It all made perfect sense.

Possibly better than a scary old man with a white beard.

No need to get into dept.

Simple.

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B*ggar Webbtrekker! You're right! Now I'll have to do all those sums again. But, on the other hand - being a seasoned hand at the job, so to speak - He may have purchased the Gaviscon Before he left Scandinavia, where he works between 3 and 4 in the afternoon only, while most fathers are out buying newspapers. 

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Not exactly Eggy. I translated it from Swedish. Got it from one of the 'older' grandchildren (who's now the conker champion with his very own 'sixer').

And what's a gizmodo?

Get in - Conker King.

 

''gizmodo' is where I found the answer to :- The first argument against Santa's existence comes from astronomer and astrophysicist Linda Harden—formerly known as The Human Neutrino. She outlined her rationale with demolishing logic in this classic post:

Is there a Santa Claus?

 

http://sploid.gizmodo.com/can-santa-claus-exist-a-scientific-debate-1669957032

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B*ggar Webbtrekker! You're right! Now I'll have to do all those sums again. But, on the other hand - being a seasoned hand at the job, so to speak - He may have purchased the Gaviscon Before he left Scandinavia, where he works between 3 and 4 in the afternoon only, while most fathers are out buying newspapers. 

 

 

Hmmm ...

 

So you're proposing that Santa not only had the forethought to buy the Gaviscon, but also had multi-tasking abilities in being able to do his job between 3 pm and 4pm AND buy Gaviscon at the same time? That's preposterous, as that means that Santa would have to be a, .... a, ....  A WOMAN! :dribble:

 

No way!!! I'm having none of it!!!

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Vic ??? you have 1.5 billion children?? no wonder social services and benefits agency have no money left !!!!!!!!!!!! ( I suggest you get a television and a hobby! - although I have to admire your stamina..)

But Pilgrim I'm from Blyth  ;-) .... 4 children, 10 grandchildren 5 great grand children, thats enough for us. it just seams like 1.5 billion kids, $$$$

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Haha Eggy, thanks for the link! If only I'd known about gizmodo I'd have saved myself half an hour's translation time! This is apparently doing the rounds in Swedish on FB. One grandson, now 21 years old, has never believed my stories of Santa with chimneys and mince pies. The simple logic of  a child's mind told him many years ago that it couldn't be possible because:

 

1) he'd never seen a dirty Santa Clause and chimneys are dirty places

2) nobody could eat mince pies because they are horrible (according to him)

 

I got it in an e-mail with the message "9 million Swedes can't be wrong"

 

Just wait until Santa comes at 3pm today! Now where did I put that chimney brush?

Edited by Canny lass

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i think i may have found the decisive test for the season of goodwill. i have always been amazed at the extremes of good and evil that mankind can inflict upon themselves, but when I see a Jew marry a Muslim in a southern Baptist church presided over by a female catholic priest -- then I will truly believe... 

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The Santa Paradox can only be explained by the existence of a multiverse in which 91.9 million universes exist, each with its own Santa and only one address for each Santa to visit. In which case 38 hours would be plenty of time for Santa to visit only one address. And because the multiverse is infinite 91.9 million universes would be an insignificant fraction. Stephen Hawking agrees with me.

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Hi Paul, I had problems with the 38 hours knowing that he starts his journey here in Scandinavia at 3 pm 24 Dec, continues in the UK from 12.01 am 25 Dec and doesn't finish until 6 Jan the following year in Spain (where the reindeers mysteriously change into Camels)! What does Hawkings say about that?

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Sounds plausible Paul, but then I'm not a rocket scientist. All I know for sure is that my hard-earned disappears into a Black Hole every Christmas, never again to see the light of day!

 

What does Hawking have to say about that? :D

Edited by webtrekker
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