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Waiter, waiter, is there any chance that this beef lasagne could contain horse?

A chance in a million sir... it always came in last!

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It had to happen! An on-line Horse Consumption Calculator

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A horse is not beef, of course, of course,

And no one would eat horse of course

That is, of course, unless the horse is the Findus Mr. Ed.

Go right to the sauce to mask the horse

It'll give you the taste that you'll endorse.

He's always in the pasta course.

Fork to Mr. Ed.

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...and the best one so far:

My doctor says I should watch what I eat, so I've got tickets to the Grand National.

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The Tory High Command were so fed-up with Owen Patterson's performance as Environment Minister in charge of the neddyburger scandal that they had his DNA tested and it came back as being 100% donkey.

I think you will find the whole cabinet is like that.

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