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Merlin

Letter To Cameron

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Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing England 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire - ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered - car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids/grandkids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week.....and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading schemes that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy b*stards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!

And if more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

Also lets put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home, then the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd also receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment,wheel chairs etc,and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They'd have constant video monitoring, so they could get help instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be washed and ironed as needed.

There would be a guard to check on them every 20 minutes and staff to bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

There would be private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard,with gardens for anyone who felt the need to exercise.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls and there would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and all guards would have a code of conduct that would have to be strictly adhered to.

The criminals, on the other hand, would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised day and night. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week; live in a tiny room and pay £600.00per week without any hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that, during the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born almost three years ago in Appleby, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria ? And,they even tracked her calves to their individual stalls.. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each illegal immigrant a cow.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -

You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.....It creates a hostile work environment.

Also;

Think about this....If you don't want to forward this, or agree with this for fear of offending someone... YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy folk of Britain to SPEAK UP!

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Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing England 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them £1million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire - ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car. Ten million cars ordered - car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - housing crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids/grandkids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week.....and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading schemes that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy b*stards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!

And if more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

Also lets put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home, then the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd also receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment,wheel chairs etc,and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They'd have constant video monitoring, so they could get help instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be washed and ironed as needed.

There would be a guard to check on them every 20 minutes and staff to bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

There would be private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard,with gardens for anyone who felt the need to exercise.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls and there would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and all guards would have a code of conduct that would have to be strictly adhered to.

The criminals, on the other hand, would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised day and night. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week; live in a tiny room and pay £600.00per week without any hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that, during the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born almost three years ago in Appleby, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria ? And,they even tracked her calves to their individual stalls.. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each illegal immigrant a cow.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -

You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.....It creates a hostile work environment.

Also;

Think about this....If you don't want to forward this, or agree with this for fear of offending someone... YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy folk of Britain to SPEAK UP!

Which, given the following assumptions.

The payment for a house is £238,874 (the current asking price average according to Rightmove.co.uk)

The car costs £25,000 and everyone would be driving chinese built MG's!!

The univesity fees remain unchanged at £9000 a year for a 3 year course

and they take a pension of £25,000 above their statutory requirement of £5200 a year on booze and fags.

See's them quite happily through until they reach the age of 76 before they get into debt. :shiftyninja:

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I will counter sign that Merlin, give me a million and Ill look forward to the prison cell in December :D

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Merlin wrote:

"COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that, during the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born almost three years ago in Appleby, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria ? And,they even tracked her calves to their individual stalls.. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each illegal immigrant a cow."

Of course the tracking was easy ... each moo had a yellow plakka tag crimped into each lug. These tags have unique ID numbers so that ALL moo movements and locations were logged. Clearly the round-up and subsequent barbie was a cinch to complete.

Perhaps we can develop Merlin's suggestion a little further, rather than give each "illegal immigrant" a moo each, why not grab them and tag them in the same way. The cost of the tags versus the cost a moo each, coupled with the inflicting of lug pain during tag crimping would go down well in the Hallways of the Right. I suppose it'll save the cops (and other agents of the State) from demanding (in a German accent) ... "Your papers please!". They'd simply have to hold the person down and check the code number before hauling them off to gaol.

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Merlin wrote:

"COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that, during the mad cow epidemic, our government could track a single cow, born almost three years ago in Appleby, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria ? And,they even tracked her calves to their individual stalls.. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each illegal immigrant a cow."

Of course the tracking was easy ... each moo had a yellow plakka tag crimped into each lug. These tags have unique ID numbers so that ALL moo movements and locations were logged. Clearly the round-up and subsequent barbie was a cinch to complete.

Perhaps we can develop Merlin's suggestion a little further, rather than give each "illegal immigrant" a moo each, why not grab them and tag them in the same way. The cost of the tags versus the cost a moo each, coupled with the inflicting of lug pain during tag crimping would go down well in the Hallways of the Right. I suppose it'll save the cops (and other agents of the State) from demanding (in a German accent) ... "Your papers please!". They'd simply have to hold the person down and check the code number before hauling them off to gaol.

Don't you mean care home!

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Good post!

Of course, 10 million people being given 1 million quid ech would produce a bill for 10 TRILLION quid ... about 1,000 times the current National Debt! :dribble:

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Good post!

Of course, 10 million people being given 1 million quid ech would produce a bill for 10 TRILLION quid ... about 1,000 times the current National Debt! :dribble:

Took a while.......but ...there you go :dribble: :dribble:

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Here's another letter for the gob-!*!@#!

Dear Prime Minister, I hear you are freezing the pay rates for soldiers starting next year. Would you also consider cutting your own pay to save more money for our country? While you're at it, lets reduce all MP's pay too. If the people who risk their lives don't get an increase in pay, why should we continue raising pay for those who take no risks and reap the benefits!?

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U should run for election. I will vote for u.

I tell it how it is, so I've got no hope of being elected!

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Here's another letter for the gob-!*!@#!

Dear Prime Minister, I hear you are freezing the pay rates for soldiers starting next year. Would you also consider cutting your own pay to save more money for our country? While you're at it, lets reduce all MP's pay too. If the people who risk their lives don't get an increase in pay, why should we continue raising pay for those who take no risks and reap the benefits!?

I still say that we should turn the clock back and when these chinless wonders decide to send our troops off to fight in some Godforsaken land they should lead from the front! That might stop them being so free and easy with other people's lives

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Here's another letter for the gob-!*!@#!

Dear Prime Minister, I hear you are freezing the pay rates for soldiers starting next year. Would you also consider cutting your own pay to save more money for our country? While you're at it, lets reduce all MP's pay too. If the people who risk their lives don't get an increase in pay, why should we continue raising pay for those who take no risks and reap the benefits!?

that name cameron it is more like carry on ,

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